Scatty's dreaming - My Dreamies
by Scathach2000
Summary: This is a collection of my weirdest dreams (not THIS dreams!), all connected to Harry Potter (but not essential to the Nightmare-series) and all ... well, weird. This may be OneShots, may be short stories. Yeah, I'm mostly crazy ... mostly!
1. Chapter 1

**Part I of the "Dreamies"**

A/N:

The Story has nothing to do with the "Rocky Horror Picture Show", but is a Multi-crossover with

Harry Potter and A Nightmare on Elmstreet … nothing of this belongs to me. I'm just … living out my madness.

I actually dreamed this. No, I'm not in medical care. I'm just mostly crazy … mostly.

* * *

**BEWARE: The following story could do great damage to your brain cells!**

**The Scatty Horror Picture Parody Part I**

_Click! Click! Click!_

_You shouldn't do this_, said a little voice somewhere at the back of his mind.

_But it's fun!_, he answered.

_Just because it's fun it's not right!_, the voice argued.

_Click! Click! Click!_

_Talking with voices in your head is called madness, you know?_ another voice said.

_I'm insane? No shit, Sherlock!_, he thought sarcastically and continued clicking the the metallic fingers of his right hand that looked like stolen from some guy in a far, far away galaxy against the wall.

_Stop joking about it. You should do something. You could …_ the first voice trailed off.

… _go to a psychiatrist. Talk to you friends. Jump from a bridge._ The second voice continued.

Sirius Black sighted. If he weren't insane already, the voices would drive him to it. Luckily he had lost his mind somewhere in the ten year of living in a school full of "innocent" little children. Like this, he did what he always did when the voices appeared again; he ignored them. He turned his concentration back to the frightened little child in the far corner.

"W-w-what do you w-want from me?", the tiny boy sobbed.

Sirius stooped clicking his fingers and thought about the question.

"Chocolate", he said at least.

"Cho-chocolate, sir?", the boy, Altair, Alistair, something like that, asked in disbelieve. "I don't have chocolate."

"This is your dream, stupid boy, you just need to wish for it."

_Ping!_

Suddenly, the boy held a over-size chocolate bar in his hands. Sirius nipped it from his hands, tore the wrapping and bite delightful into it.

"Uhm … thanks.", he said. "But I'm afraid I have to go now."

With that, he just disappeared. But he took the chocolate with him away.

* * *

_tbc ..._

* * *

A/N2: Yes, there will be more of this bullshit ... it's all the fault of my subconscious ...


	2. Chapter 2

**The Scatty Horror Picture Parody Part II**

A few minutes later, a quite happy Charms Professor was on his way to the great hall for his breakfast. In one hand he carried a over-sized chocolate bar and grinned wide, nearly sappy. He sat down on his usual place next to Prof. Bins.

"Good morning.", he said, beaming.

The older Professor answered with a groan.

"Nice day, isn't it?"

Another groan.

"Sorry, was that a _Yes_ or a _No_?", Sirius asked politely.

"Braaaaa-ain", Bins creaked and continued his breakfast.

"Whaaa! There's an eyeball in my breakfast!", one of the students cried out.

"So? Eat, and be quiet, please!", the headmaster shouted back. The student sniffed silently.

Sirius sighted. Having a proper conversation with a zombie isn't as easy as people always think. A few minutes later he left in order to skip his first lesson. In fact, no one in the class would listen to him, so he could really do something more worthwhile than trying to teach. But his attempts to have a free morning were destroyed by a thin as a rake and rather greasy-haired figure.

"Where're you heading, Black?"

"Erw … nowhere in particular."

"And that'sssssss the problem.", Prof. Severus Snape hissed and his snakelike tongue fluttered.

"Anyway, who let you out of your canalization?", Sirius asked sarcastically.

"Fuck you, Black.", with that, Snape turned and walked away.

"Nice.", Sirius said as he made his way to the third floor.

* * *

Tbc ...


	3. Chapter 3

If someone wants to be the beta of this bullshit, you're always welcome. But I will not change the plot (if there has ever been one) because, like I said before, this are things I once dreamed … that's the joke about it ...

Nothing belongs to me: _Friday the 13__th_and all it's sequels.

This is a talking-chap … it's even story-lesser than every other chap in here.

* * *

**The Scatty Horror Picture Parody Part III**

Late that night a certain one-handed professor was patrolling through the school. He just thought about the paradox, that something that you dream my be as real as reality and if that's given, if every life was just a dream in a dream in a dream, and why, please, someone would be so idiotic to make a film about _that_, when he accidentally stumbled into someone.

The someone turned out to be one of his colleague. The man was a rather short grown and stocky fellow, with sandy hair and a machete leaned relaxed over his right shoulder.

"This is not your usual patrol rout, is it?", Sirius asked.

"It isn't. I'm not that guy for rules and plans, you know?", Remus answered.

The two man walked together the corridor down.

"What's that?", Sirius asked, pointing at a quite fresh cut on Remus check.

"Just a little argument with my Grandma, nothing to worry about."

"Your grandma's one of the scariest persons I've ever met. And I met a lot of scary persons, including my whole family."

"You should learn my Dad."

Sirius raised an eyebrow. "I thought your dad's dead."

Remus shrugged."He is. Now and again."

"I know … a bit unnerving, isn't it? Every time you think you got ride of 'em they suddenly show up again … I hate family reunions."

"Speaking of dads, what's yours doing?"

"Singing in a churches choir."

"That joke wasn't funny, Paddy."

"I know … I think Mum wants to mock me."

"If not, it would be a very creepy choir.", Remus said. He felt the need to change the subject. Speaking about family wasn't really what he liked to do

"What do you think of this new _Care of magic creature_-teacher … erw, what was her name?"

"Dany. Danearys Tagaryan.", Sirius said.

"Yes. What do you think?"

"She's sweet."

"Paddy! She's thirteen!"

"Thirteen, and married. Two times. So I think she's legal."

"Her parents were siblings."

"And? Peters Parents were siblings, too, and he's a nice guy."

"Peter's a cannibal."

"There're fare worse things than living man-eating."

"Which are?"

"Being a Vegetarian, Vegan or Frutarian."

"You're probably right. But I don't like it anyway. The dishes are all a bit ..."

"Unbalanced?"

"Yes."

They felt silent.

"You said I should learn your Dad, but I have the feeling that he wouldn't like me.", Sirius said eventually.

"My Dad likes no one."

"He likes you."

"Paddy, please. _All_ parents love their children. Even your Mum loves you."

"Why shouldn't she?"

"Don't be ridiculous Sirius."

But Sirius wasn't ridiculous. He rather looked like he was about to cry.

"Sirius, why don't your parents live in the same house?", Remus asked suspicious.

"Because Dad had to work in another city and so he moved away and Mom and I stayed in London and I visit him every second weekend.", Sirius said in a tone that suggested that he had learned it up.

Remus was speechless.

"What?", Sirius asked.

"Who told you that?"

"Mommy."

"And you did believe it?!"

"Why shouldn't I?" Sirius looked very, very confused by now.

"Oh. My. Dear. God. I knew you were dump, but I didn't knew that you actually had the IQ of a potato."

"Is that something bad?"

"No. That's normal.", Remus said a bit to fast.

"So why should my Mom not like me?"

"I didn't say that she doesn't like you … just …

Paddy, did your mom ever speak to your dad?"

Sirius shook his head.

"And why is everyone in your family blond, a bit chubby and blue eyed except from you and your dad?"

"Mommy says that such things can happen.", Sirius said defensively.

"And why aren't you and your mum named Krueger as your dad is?"

Sirius didn't answered. Remus looked up to the taller man. Sirius lip trembled and his eyes were more than just a bit watery.

In this moment, something in Remus heart clicked. Maybe it was real love and understanding. Or maybe it was just the twisted urge to protect little unloved children with a hang to psychotic actions that is all Voorhees own. Anyway, he decided against destroying everything Sirius believed in.

"You know what? Forget what I said. Your parents are wonderful and perfect, everything is just as it should be and … well, forget it."

Sirius smiled dopy. "Where do you have the machete from?", he asked.

"A birthday-present."

"Daddy once gave me a pup. But it run away. And so did the bunny. And the parrot."

"That is … very sad."

"No. Mommy said they're living in a beautiful fairyland now and are very happy."

"Of course they are."

"One time, Dad gave me a pocket knife."

"Did … did the knife run away too?"

"Mommy says so. But I think the fairies took it, because it was very sharp and I could have cut myself."

"Oh dear god.", Remus said. He was shocked by such stupidity. "When was that?"

"Last year.", Sirius answered.

Remus closed his eyes for a second. When he opened them again, he asked: "Paddy, do you know were the children come from?"

"Of course!" Sirius said indignantly. "The fairies bring them."

Remus had to take a deep breath.

"Do you know what we will do tomorrow? I'll go and asked Dany if she plays a bit hide and seek with you, okay? I'm sure she'll say yes." Sirius beamed. Remus sighted. He really had to "talk" to Paddys mom, and that as soon as possibly.

* * *

Tbc ...

* * *

A/N2: To explain why Sirius realized that Remus dad's dead but didn't get that his pets all died: It's not cruel to tell a child about the death of someone or something that's immortal and gets back to live anyway. In this case, death's nothing to worry about. I think that's the moral my subconscious wanted to tell me, but I could be wrong …


End file.
